I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
