im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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