i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
