In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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