I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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