I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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