when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
