very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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