I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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