I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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