Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
