8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
