You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
