She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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