You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
