I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
