Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
