she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
