do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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