I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
