Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
