I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
