i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
