sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
