Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
