Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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