Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
