I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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