dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
