yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
