that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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