Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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