i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
