From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im calling her cock vulture from now on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
