sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
did i just pee glitter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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