Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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