I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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