On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
