u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize