Who wears a wallet chain?!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
