Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
