Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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