i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
