Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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