Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
