actually, I'm a sock model
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
