I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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