Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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