My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
