she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I got her a Nickelback box set.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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