Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
