So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
