I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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