This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
