You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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